The Uberspiffy Adventures of Mohawk Man and TUSSK
by Shiro Amayagi
Summary: After Menardi's departure, the Evil Adepts + Felix team up as the good guys (the Good Evil Adepts) against the previous good guys, who are now the Evil Good Adepts. This isn't really humorous, but whatever...
1. In which costumes are given out

Shiro:  w00t!  New story idea!

Saturos:  This...does NOT sound good...

Shiro:  It shouldn't.  Now, for the disclaimer.  Leon?

Leon:  It wouldn't be so bad if you didn't call Picard 'Leon', but whatever...Shiro doesn't own Golden Sun, or any of it's respective characters/areas...he does, however, own the NAMES of Mohawk Man, TUSSK, Walking Forest Fire, and...well...he doesn't own the other good evil adept.

Shiro:  Stop using bored marks!!!  Oh yeah, I own the phrase 'bored marks'. ^_^   On with the story!!!

~***~

Saturos:  Oh, goody.  A forest.  You don't see too many of THOSE in Angara...

Menardi:  Burnination?

Saturos:  No, let Karst and Agatio do that...Karst... *contented sigh*

Menardi:  Are you aware that's my SISTER you're fawning over?

Saturos:  She's your sister?  Wow, I would've thought she was too pretty to be YOUR sister...

Felix:  Uhh, guys?  Are you aware that you DIED about 3 months ago?  Why am I still with you?  Why can't I go to Imil and fall in love with Mia?  *spontaneously regains control of his mind*  HEY!!!  SHIRO, QUIT USING ME FOR YOUR DEMENTED VERSION OF MUDSHIPPING!!!

Shiro:  *from author space* Me, mudship?  Why would I do something like that?  Felix/Mia, eh?  Now that I think of it, it IS mudshipping...hmm...thank you, Felix!!!  *runs off screaming "PGBHVA FOREVER!!!"*

Saturos:  Felix/Mia?!  *snickers, then bursts out into uncontrolled _evil_ laughter* BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Agatio:  AHEM!!!  I've only been standing here listening to you three talk for 5 minutes!!!

Saturos:  Oh, hey Agatio.  Where's Karst?

Agatio:  She's...somewhere.  Where's Menardi?

Saturos:  Right next to me.  Why?

Agatio:  She's my next target.  I'm supposed to kill her and then you go all angsty and turn into some kind of superhero bent on defeating that guy from Zelda.  You know, the one with the tights?

Saturos:  You're supposed to kill Menardi?  w00t!!!

Menardi:  *muttering* Some friend...

Agatio:  Nothing personal, but...you're dead.  Bang.  *fires a _lot_ of psynergy at Menardi...unfortunately, it's all Mars*

Menardi:  *standing there, unscathed, and looking slightly recharged* Was that supposed to _hurt_?

Agatio:  WAAAH!!!  NOBODY LOVES ME!!!  *cries for a couple of minutes*

Karst:  ...Why do _I_ have to get stuck with the moron?  Hey, stupid author person!!!  Kill Menardi!!!

Shiro:  *from author space* My my, aren't we lazy...fine.  *scribbles on the Magical Author's Pen and suddenly Menardi falls on the ground face up with some wildflowers on her head*

Karst:  Useless...

Shiro:  Why?  She's dead, isn't she?

Karst:  Yes, but she's supposed to be face DOWN, so we don't have to look at her...

Shiro:  Then cover her face with her hair.

Karst:  Yet again, useless...

Saturos:  I love you, Karst.  Now that Menardi's dead, we can finally be together... *realization hits him that Menardi's dead and he begins singing* Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the wicked witch of the west is dead, ding dong, the wicked witch is dead...

Karst:  I'd say I love you back, but then our USELESS author would turn this all sappy...we don't need TOO many sap fics...

Shiro:  Oooooh...flameshipping...

Karst:  NO!!!

Shiro:  Useless...

Agatio:  Hey, me and Felix are gonna be thinking up names, if you guys don't mind.

Felix:  Saturos...how about...Mohawk Man?

Saturos:  No way!!!

Agatio:  Yeah, that sounds good!!!  Mohawk Man and...Felix, what are you?

Shiro:  Ooooh, he can be... *dramatic music begins to play* ..."The Uberspiffy Sidekick"!!!  TUSSK for short.

Saturos:  Mohawk Man is sounding more and more inviting...TUSSK...*snickers, then bursts into uncontrolled _evil_ laughter* ...BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Felix:  Shiro, you die today.  I swear to Judgment, you die today.

Shiro:  Felix, you can't reach author space, so how about this.  You be TUSSK, and I allow you to be exempt from Mia and Jenna's little scheme.  Trust me, being part of their scheme is a fate worse than death.

Felix:  So is being TUSSK!!!

Shiro:  Hey, trust me, it could be worse.

Felix:  TUSSK.  Short for 'The Uberspiffy Sidekick'.  Keyword - Sidekick.  How could it be worse?

Shiro:  Are you keen on running around in a pink miniskirt to fight the bad guys?

Felix:  Fine, I'll do as you say...just make sure there's no miniskirt.

Shiro:  Good uberspiffy sidekick.  Agatio, you're the "Walking Forest Fire", and Karst, you're "The Karst".

Karst:  The Karst...riiiiight...

Agatio:  Sweet!!!  I'm a walking forest fire!!!  w00t!!!

Shiro:  I got a plan...I'm gonna go eat lunch.  Everyone get into character! *leaves*

Felix:  Fine, costume time...

Saturos:  *sees the red sleeveless shirt with the Mohawk symbol printed on it, loose black jeans, and the somewhat spiffy tennis shoes with his tag on it* w00t!!!

Agatio:  *sees the blue, black, and navy camo halter with the baby backpack, tight black leather pants, and stiletto heels with a tag for Mia* Shiro, you put Mia's costume on the rack instead of mine!!!

Shiro:  Agatio, just wear it, I'm too busy eating rice...oooh, Ed Edd and Eddy's on!!!

Agatio:  I didn't just hear him say to WEAR this thing, did I?  Doesn't he know that would be just a _little_ uncomfortable?!

Saturos:  Shiro, get back down here and give Agatio his costume!!!  I KNOW you're listening to me!!!

Shiro:  Whatever...Agatio, just think that Jenna would just LOVE to see you in something like that.

Agatio:  Jenna?  Where?!  I can't let her see me in this!!!

Saturos:  You're not wearing it right now, moron.

Felix:  Stay.Away.From.My.Sister.Or.Die.

Karst:  You didn't express one complete thought for all of those "sentences".  Your english teacher would be ashamed of you.

Felix:  Like she'd care... *sees a blue Uberspiffy(C) brand shirt with his logo on it and a black Uberspiffy(C) brand cloak and a black baggy pair of Uberspiffy(C) brand jeans with some white/blue Uberspiffy(C) brand tennis shoes* ...hey, that doesn't look half bad... *tries it on* ...oooh, the cape makes uberspiffy noises when you twirl it around!!!

Shiro:  *gives him the 'duh' look* Dude, it's Uberspiffy(C) brand clothing.  It's _supposed_ to make uberspiffy noises.

Felix:  You shut up.

Karst:  Where's my costume?

Shiro:  Is it not on the rack?

Karst:  No.

Shiro:  Hmm... *goes to visit the evil good adepts* *returns* ...Is Jenna's costume on the rack?

Karst:  Yeah.

Shiro:  Okay, I'll take that, and here's yours. *throws Karst's costume down* Alright, now, I guess you should try yours on, and then we'll have all of our characters!!!

Agatio:  Excuse me, but you're telling me to wear a halter top and leather pants with high heels.  Don't you feel just a _little_ pang of conscience?

Shiro:  Umm...nope.  *Mia sneaks up on him* AACK!!!  Mia, how long have you been there?!

Mia:  You'd better feel some conscience, because you're going to feel _pain_ if you don't trade out Agatio's costume for mine!!!

Shiro:  Eeeep...now I see why Triad's afraid of you.  Okay, here.  Go change. *throws Mia her proper costume* *throws Agatio his*

Mia:  *steps into the bathroom and changes* Hmm...did you mention Triad?

Shiro:  Yeah.

Mia:  He's overdue for some pain.  Oh Triad...you need to update... *grins evilly*

Shiro:  Sorry man...don't kill me...

Agatio:  *changes into his gray sleeveless shirt, black jeans, and Immensely Spiffy Long Black Cloak* Uberspiffy.

Felix:  That's my word.  Hey, how come his cloak is Immensely Spiffy and mine's just Uberspiffy?

Shiro:  Because I think Uberspiffy is more spiffy than Immensely Spiffy.

Felix:  Real-ly...

Karst:  *changes into her black t-shirt and skirt* My costume's overly plain...

Shiro:  *scribbles something on the Magical Author's Pen(C) and Karst's costume changes into a midriff-length leather jacket, a white halter top, and black knee-length skirt (What?  This has to stay relatively PG...)*

Karst:  ^_^ Better.  Don't get the wrong idea though, you're still useless.

Shiro:  If you say so.  Alright everyone, go to bed early tonight.  Tomorrow the Evil Good Adepts will appear and sing some upbeat peppy songs if you sleep in.

Everyone else:  o_O

~***~

Alright, now I promise, this is the last appearance I'll make in the actual story for awhile, so no more of my talk for awhile...remember, flames are accepted, and more importantly, appreciated.

"I wanna heal; I wanna feel; what I thought was never real, I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long...

Then mix all the pain till it's gone-

I wanna heal; I wanna feel; like I'm close to something real, I wanna find something I've wanted all along...somewhere I belong..."

~Somewhere I Belong (refrain), Linkin Park

Later!!!


	2. In which Piers screams like a baby

Wow, I'm updating...as for the Evil Good Adepts, if you don't know who they are, then use your imagination.  Now...on with the show!!!

~***~

Evil Good Adepts:  *sneak into the Good Evil Adepts' encampment*

Garet:  They're asleep, but do we _really_ have to sing peppy, upbeat songs?

Piers:  I think so.  The author guy would kill us otherwise.

The other Evil Good Adepts:  o_O Piers?!  What are you doing here, and WHERE'S PICARD?!

Piers:  He's at the OBHL conference fighting for his life among rabid fangirls.  I'm just taking over.

[at the conference]

Elena:  Picard!!!  I love you, Picard!!!  Can I have your autograph?  Please?  Pretty please?  Aw, c'mon...PLEASE?!

Midnight:  *stealing his Excalibur to put in her shrine* w00t!!!

Akiko:  You've been around Triad too much.  *sighs and grabs head in hand* SIT BOY!!!

Triad:  *from off in the distance* AAAAAAAGH!!! *thud*

Akiko:  Oh yeah, I'm smart! ^_^

VI:  That's my line!!!

Triad:  VI...run away...now...they'll say... *leans in to whisper* ...the _word_...

Picard:  Triad, VI, I have a plan...first, Triad is going to go out to my car and unlock it.  You'd be safest in the back middle seat.  VI, 1 minute later, you're gonna go get in the front passenger side.  Leave it unlocked once you're in.  I'll find some way to sneak out and then get to the car.

Triad:  There's windows in the bathroom.

Picard:  That'll do.

Triad:  Okay, I'm gone. *leaves*

[back with our Evil Good Adepts]

Piers:  Uh-oh...

Jenna:  What?

Piers:  Picard's got an escape mission planned out, but it's hinged on Triad's shoulders...

Mia:  Triad.  King Moron himself.  Rescuing our Picard.  That...is NOT good!!!  *starts crying* We'll never see him again!!!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Isaac:  It's not that bad, Mia.  That Zelda guy will help us find him...

Mia:  *shaking Piers' shoulders violently* This is all YOUR fault!!!  How could you?!

Piers:  What'd I do?

Agatio:  *walks out and rubs his eyes* Are you guys aware that it's FOUR IN THE MORNING?!?!

Ivan: 4:03, dude...sheesh, stupid adept...

Saturos:  *rubbing his eyes* I don't really care if it's 3 in the afternoon, both of you shut up, and GO TO SLEEP!!!

Karst:  Will you guys QUIT YELLING?!

Saturos:  *bowing down before her* Yes, master.  I love you, master.

Mia:  Aww, now that's devotion...you should take lessons from Saturos, Isaac.

Isaac:  Number one, worshipping Karst is a scary thought.  Number two, I'm an EVIL Good Adept.  Keyword - Evil.  As in not good.  Evil.  _Evil._

Saturos:  I'm a good guy.  It would be beyond me to teach an evildoer how to be good.

Mia:  You ARE an evildoer...

Isaac:  Yeah, the way you act to Karst, it's disgustingly evil.

Mia:  Isaac?  Are you half aware that we're the evildoers in this fic?

Saturos:  What happened to ME being an evildoer, huh?

Mia:  I was just getting Isaac to say what I wanted him to.  Now, Isaac, it's time to be disgustingly evil...

Isaac:  I...will NOT.

Mia:  *deathglare* You had bloody _better_.

Isaac:  *bowing down before her* Yes, master.  I love you, master.

Jenna:  Awwwwwwww...

Ivan:  *vomiting on a tree* GET A ROOM!!!

Sheba:  Ivan, how come YOU don't do that?

Ivan:  Because the author's an FBM.  I hope...

Sheba:  I'm a blonde midget...

Ivan:  Yeah, but...maybe he'll just go on a big windshippingfest _later_.

Sheba:  Alright! ^_^

Ivan:  *under his breath* _Much_ later, got it?

Garet:  *runs and hides behind a tree*

Jenna:  Where's Garet?

Garet:  *frantically motioning to Ivan to keep silent and whispering "I'm not here" just barely loud enough to be heard by Ivan*

Ivan:  He's behind the tree.

Garet:  *steps out from behind his tree* Ivan, remind me to kill you.

Ivan:  Garet, do you know I was pointing the opposite way?

Garet:  Oh, the opposite way...I'm sorry, Ivan... *sees Jenna walking up to him with a mad glint in her eye* ...Uh-oh...I'm screwed... *runs and hides behind Piers* ...Good Lord, I really _AM_ desperate...

Piers:  *teleports away*

Garet:  Piers, if I live through this, I'm going to kill you and feed your remains to Meteor as a sacrifice.

Piers:  _If_ you live...

Garet:  I'll come back and haunt you, got it?

Piers:  What about Meteor?

Garet:  Screw hi- *looks up at the sky, eyes wide, as a gigantic flaming meteor falls on a collision course directly to him*

Jenna:  Screw you.  Oh, Piers?  Look up.  Meteor doesn't like _you_ much, either...

Piers:  AAAAAAH!!!  *runs away screaming like a scared little girl*

Jenna:  That always works...

Sheba:  200G says he'll go 5 miles before he figures out that there's no Meteor after him.

Jenna:  210 and you've got a bet.

Sheba:  Deal.

Garet:  *gets hit by Meteor* Owwwww...

Isaac:  Sounds painful.

Ivan:  Very.

Mysterious Voice:  Good thing I was wearing my red shirt today...but I do have a slight headache...

Mia:  Who are you?

~***~

Yay, cliffhanger.  Who IS he?  Think about it...who has a red shirt and why would he have a headache?

Leon:  It was Mrs. Scarlett in the Observatory with the Meteor.

One clue.  Don't say anything else, okay?

Leon:  Review!!!

Don't TELL them to review.  I'm not desperate.

Leon:  I was expecting an 'I SAID NOT TO SPEAK AGAIN!!!' for that...

Yes, but I knew you were waiting for that, so I didn't say it.  Now, don't talk.  Bye everyone!!!


	3. In which Picard is the Stage Directions

Yay!!!  I got a review!!!  I think I'll start doing this at the beginning of each chapter...

**What:**  Thank you for the cookie.  I'm glad I got it right.  Just for the sake of saying, if this isn't random, I'm not doing my job.  Update GS Book III or you don't get any rice.  Speaking of which...mine's ready...

**Indigoru:**  You really think so?  Thanks.  But I won't lie, this probably won't stay funny for much longer.  Just wait…I think I'm already hitting a slump…

**_Disclaimer:_**  If...IF I owned Golden Sun...I would be programming Books III and IV, but I can't.  Screw that.  I don't own Zelda, CT, LotR, FFX, or OBHL, for that matter.

~***~

Saturos:  Hey...it's that guy...Agatio, what was I supposed to do when I saw him again?

Agatio:  Go all angsty and call him Peter Pan.

Karst:  Stupid green freak, he wasn't supposed to call him Peter Pan!!!

Agatio:  But it woulda been funny...

Zelda guy:  You just copied that from CronoCat's CT story.

Shiro:  *from Author Space* Brutally and shamelessly.  As credit, I won't say WHICH story, so that you'll just have to read them all to see which one it came from. *disappears*

Isaac:  That was random.

Zelda guy:  Will somebody just call me Link already?

Jenna:  We like "Zelda guy" MUCH better.

Zelda guy...er...Link:  @_0

Shiro:  *reappears* That's MY face!!!

Everyone but Felix and Shiro:  @_0

Shiro:  Whatever... *grabs the Hover Jade from Sheba and casts Hover on everyone but Felix and himself, and then drops them 20 feet*

Everyone but Felix and Shiro:  @_=

Shiro:  Better.  *disappears again*

Jenna:  Ouch... *bursts into tears*

Agatio:  Don't cry Jenna!!!  *casts Aura...somehow...*

Jenna:  *looks into his eyes* Agatio...

Agatio:  *returns the gaze* Jenna...

Jenna:  *embraces him affectionately* I love you.

Felix:  *barely restraining himself* Stay away from my sister, you bloody bonfire.

Agatio:  That would be "Forest Fire".  "Walking Forest Fire", to be exact, TUSSK.

Felix:  I'll be in my trailer. *walks off with the detonator to a bomb that just _happened_ to be placed on Agatio's left shoulder*

Jenna:  TUSSK?!  Honey, can I do the evil laugh?

Agatio:  Yes, I encourage it.

Jenna:  Sweet.  BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Mia:  I _love_ it.

Various Mudshippers from Author Space:  NO!!!  Felix/Mia is EVIL!!!  Isaac/Mia!!!

Jenna:  You get your bloody heads out of the gutter.

VMFAS:  *blink twice and fly away*

Ivan:  Yay, they're gone!!!

Sheba:  Wait...Shiro left with my Hover Jade, didn't he?

Shiro:  *in Author Space* BWAHAHAHAHA!!!  Midnight, Triad, Akiko, Elena, Kadevi, DE, VI, EVERYONE!!!  UPDATE OR I'LL RAISE YOU ALL 100 FEET IN THE AIR AND DROP YOU!!!

Various Authors in Author Space:  He's...got a screw loose, ya?

Shiro:  That's Wakka's way of talking!!!  Not yours!!!  HOVER!!! *raises them 58.679 feet in the air and drops them hard*

VAIAS:  Owww....

Sheba:  He's dead.

Felix:  I want him dead too, but we can't have more than one side story at a time, or he'll take longer to update, which would give him virtually no right to tell the other GS authors who LIKE us to update.

Sheba:  But...the Hover Jade is my precious...gollum, gollum.

(at the OBHL conference)

VI:  AAAAAAAAGH!!!  *two thuds*

Picard:  VI, shhhh!!!  You need to get outta here before I can!!!  If they discover you now, everything will get screwed up beyond what Mercury could fix!!!

VI:  You're a very...pious Evil Good Adept, aren't you?

Picard:  Yes, now leave or Jupiter will have your head.

VI:  Jupiter?!  Where?!  *runs like the wind*

Stage directions:  Hey, I made a funny.

Picard:  How much do you get paid for this job?

Stage directions:  Nothing.

Picard:  Then it's a job you could afford to lose, right?

Stage directions:  Yeah.

Picard:  How would you like to be surrounded by beautiful female fans and get paid a commission by Camelot every time somebody buys a copy of Golden Sun 2:  The Lost Age?

Stage directions:  Beautiful fans?

Picard:  Yeah, sure...I guess so.  And as long as you have this ID, they'll swarm you like ants to a picnic. *hands him his Picard ID from Camelot*

Stage directions:  So I am now Picard.  Oh my adoring fans!!!  I'm back!!!  Swarm me and obsess over me like you did before!!!  Hey...there's no beautiful girls here!!!

Picard:  Sucka.  *gets mauled by Akiko, Elena, and Midnight*

Elena:  Are you saying we're not beautiful?!

Akiko:  Is THAT why you want away from us?!

Midnight:  *curled up in a corner crying her eyes out* He doesn't love me...my life is over...

Picard:  Now, ladies, you know I didn't mean it like that...I would never insult my favourite fans.

Midnight:  *wiping away some tears* Then why did you run away?

Elena:  Yeah, tell us THAT.

Akiko:  You don't think he'll get out of that, do you?

Picard:  I just...I'm insecure...I don't think I can handle being surrounded by fans...I'm scared...

Akiko:  A likely story.

Midnight:  I'm sorry, Picard!!!  I never knew!!!

Elena:  *quickly going through a whole box of tissues* We never meant any harm!!!

Akiko:  Both of you, wake up!!!  Can't you see that this is all a well-fabricated LIE?!

Picard:  Don't be so heartless, I don't know if I can take it...please don't make me cry...

Midnight and Elena:  *pummel Akiko with all the force of Judgment, Meteor, Thor, and Boreas*

Akiko:  Oww...Picard, come and heal me, you bloody liar!!!

Midnight and Elena:  He's not a liar!!!  *pummel her again*

Picard:  Alright, it's okay, just stop...it hurts me to see her in such pain... *walks over and casts Pure Ply on Akiko*

Akiko:  *whispering in his ear* You bloody owe me.  Got that?

Picard:  Yeah...

Akiko:  Good boy.

Picard:  How do I get myself into these things?

~***~

Okay, so that's that for now.  Everyone go outside now and do something proactive like destroy the RS's car or something.  I'll be taking a nap or something...bye!!!

Leon:  Review!!!

...Or not.


	4. In which Felix can't kill Agatio because...

Okay, here's the deal.  I'll be at church camp all next week after I post this, so I won't be able to update ANYTHING.  Yeah, like I do anyways.  Now that you've had your little unhealthy author's note, here's the story.

**DISCLAIMER:**  I don't own GS, LoZ, Lufia, FFX, Zoids, Star Wars, or OBHL.  Gah, screw that.  I WILL own them...'cept OBHL.  You can keep it.  I've GOT a favourite character.  Oh yeah, and I stole Mr. Stossel's Neighborhood from Karnak's sprite comic on bobandgeorge.com.

Felix:  A favourite character which you bash uncontrollably.

Shut up, it's a way of fandom.  Now go be a muse and do your muse-ish duties.

~***~

Zelda guy:  PLEASE can I be called Link?

Jenna:  Honey, ZG's on a whining rant.  Would you shut him up?

Agatio:  ZG?!  AAAAAH!!!  THERE'S A GOJULAS AFTER ME!!!  *hides up in a tree*

Jenna:  Honey, shut him up.

Agatio:  But I'm scared of Gojulases...

Jenna:  If you loved me, you'd do it.

Agatio:  *grumbling* Women... *walks over to Zelda guy* HEY!!!  You're not a Zoid!!!

Zelda guy:  @_0...

Shiro:  *from author space* MY FACE!!!  HOVER!!!  *raises him 20 feet in the air and drops him hard* MWE HE HE!!!

Agatio:  You lied to me!!!  I'm gonna tear you apart!!!  *picks up ZG by the neck of his tunic*

Hama:  *appears from nowhere special* Think, man!!!  Do you want to get a lawsuit pinned on us all just for your petty revenge?!

Agatio:  Depends.  How much would they sue us for?

Hama:  How much do you have on you?

Agatio:  A shirt, a pair of pants, a cloak, a mismatched pair of socks, a pair of shoes, some gum, and-

Hama:  *cutting him off* That will be quite enough.  They'd give you a life sentence for being so grotesquely unable to pay off the debt.

Agatio:  *puts him down "gently"* Okay kid, you live.  For NOW.

Hama:  Good Forest Fire.  *flies off*

Isaac:  Well...THAT was strange.

Felix:  *mumbling to himself* He's not attached to Jenna...push the button?  Y/N?  N?  NOOO!!!  I pushed the button twice!!!  It put it back to 'no'!!!  STUPID GRAPHICS MANAGEMENT!!!

Piers:  Hey, I'M the graphics management.

Felix:  Case in point.

Piers:  HEY!!!

Sheba:  Hey, Piers...how far did you run before you figured out Meteor wasn't after you?

Piers:  He's not?  Oh, wait...METEOR?!  AAAAGH!!!  *runs away*

Jenna:  You only predicted 5 miles.  I win.  Fork over the 210, kid.

Sheba:  BLAST IT!!!  *hands over the money*  ...I'll win it back...mwe he he...

Mia:  Mwe he he...?  Okay, we interrupt this previously pointless OBHL Conference side story to bring you some way to get Sheba's Hover Jade back before she becomes suicidal, or a duplicate of Shiro, which would be a fate WORSE than death.

Isaac:  Aw, be fair now, Mia.  He's not THAT bad...

Garet:  He gave the BAD GUYS the superhero names and made us stupid fools that don't even understand they're our enemies.  I think he is.

Ivan:  Isaac's just afraid Shiro will make him bow down and worship Mia.

Isaac:  Dang straight!!!

Felix:  Hey, Isaac.  Whenever you have some big life decision, do you still get the Y/N icons?

Isaac:  Y.

Felix:  Very funny.  But seriously, do you?

Isaac:  Yeah.  Why, keep accidentally hitting the 'no' icon whenever you try to kill Agatio with your bomb?

Felix:  Yeah...

Isaac:  You know what this means, right?

Felix:  No.  Shoot.

Isaac:  He'll probably be useful, stupid.  If you can't blow 'im up, he's gotta be useful SOMETIME.

Felix:  Can I kill him when he's outlived his usefulness?

Isaac:  I doubt it.  His only usefulness is keeping Alex and Garet away from Jenna.

Felix:  Any one of those choices is bad though...Garet!!!

Garet:  Yeah?

Felix:  You have my permission to beat the stuffing out of Agatio and make my sister fall in love with you, as long as your methods of doing so aren't perverted.

Garet:  This is some kind of Jedi Mind Trick, man.  I'm not falling for it.

Felix:  Garet.  You're getting permission to date my sister.  WHY are you sitting around waiting?!

Garet:  Because it HAS to be a mind game you're playing, Felix.  You'd KILL me before I dated Jenna...

Felix:  Normally, yes.  But now the circumstances are dire.  I'm desperate.

Garet:  You REALLY think I'm stupid, man.  I'm offended.

Ivan:  *reads Felix's mind* Garet, he's telling the truth.

Garet:  That's what the government WANTS you to think...

Saturos:  The government SAYS it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, but can we trust them?  Today we're gonna take an in-depth, personal look at the system and why...

Garet:  YEAH!!!  Mr. Stossel's Neighborhood!!!  I love that show!!!

(note to any little kids out there:  I liked Mr. Rogers too.  I'm not making fun of him.  I'm making fun of John Stossel from 20/20.  Don't call your moms on me.)

Shiro:  *still from author space* No OBHL today.  None.  I can't think of a reason and you can't make me.  Good night...

~***~

Okay guys, now remember, this is good.  Review.  Review.  Review.  Review.  Review.  Review...

Magus:  SHUT UP YOU STUPID HYPOCRITE!!!

Leon:  Oh that?  He's on a subliminal message trip.  I put a command to tell the readers to review under a burn CD he got from Matt.

Magus:  Creepy...

Review.  Review.  Review.  Review.  Review.  Review.  Review.  Review.  Review.  ^_^ REVIEW!!!


	5. In which Garet scares Felix and Sheba wi...

Leon:  We're pushing five chapters and we only have three reviews.  I could stand to be offended by this.

Forte:  Well hey, now that I'm a muse, maybe it's possible...

NO!!!  SHUT THE THOUGHT OUT OF YOUR MINDS, PEOPLE!!!  Now, on with the disclaimer.  Forte?

**_Forte:  ..._**Okay, using the disclaimer format for my name is NOT funny.  Oh well, Shiro does not own Golden Sun, Chrono Trigger, or anything mentioned in this story that he's already disclaimed.

Actually, Forte, I think it's hilarious.  Now, for the story!!!  *cue Seiken Densetsu Three music*

~***~

Garet:  I'm NOT fallin' for it, man.

Felix:  *grabs him by his shirt collar and shakes him for a good five minutes* Come ON, Garet!!!  Honestly, if you'll do it, I'll not beat you up!!!

Garet:  ...You...just...did... *collapses*

Felix:  What have I...just done?  Have I taken a human life?  Why do I not feel remorse?  Am I really sentient?  Oh well, I'll go ask a human.  They understand this 'sentience' business better than I do. (A/N:  Givin' credit where credit is due.  Thanks Plague!!!)

Isaac:  Felix?  Garet isn't dead.  And what do you mean by, a human?

Felix:  NO, MASTER MALIK!!!  DON'T SEND ME TO THE SHADOW REALM!!!  ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!

Jenna:  ...Felix?  What's wrong with you?

Felix:  Hello Gentlemen!!!  How are you doing!!!  *walks over to Agatio with his psynergy fully charged and looking royally hacked off* You have no chance to survive make your time.  (A/N:  Speech impediment and grammar mistake were intentional for the purpose of making this as close to right as I can remember, although the phrases are out of order)

Saturos:  Somebody set us up the bomb!!!

Karst:  For great justice, every zig take off one zag.

Isaac:  And a short translation for the "faithful" readers...what they are saying is not meant to make any sense, and Felix is acting like a moron because he's snapped under the pressure of knowing that he can't get a new replacement for Agatio so that Jenna won't be able to go out with him.  That's about it.

Mia:  Isaac...WHY did you just say what was going on, and what readers are you talking about?

Isaac:  Oh, poor, foolish Mia, my love, you'd not understand...

Mia:  And just WHAT is that supposed to mean?

Ivan:  Um...he snapped too?

Mia:  Let me go knock some sense into him.

Ivan:  No, don't.  You see, if somebody has an experience like that, you'll wanna try showing them lots of love, but don't hurt them, or it'll only take them longer to heal.

Isaac:  Um...MWE HE HE!!!  I AM KEFKA!!!  I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!

Felix:  Master Kefka, you're alive!!!

Isaac:  Yes, ALIVE!!!  MWE HE HE!!!

Mia:  And it would HELP to show love to him now?

Ivan:  Yes.

Mia:  And further his sociopathic tendencies?

Ivan:  ...Yes.

Mia:  You're a bad doctor.  How did you ever get your degree?

Ivan:  Online.

Mia:  Well THAT makes sense.  Okay, fine.  Isaac, Ivan says I need to show you lots of love.

Isaac:  *whispering to Ivan* Thanks man, I owe you one.

Ivan:  *whispering back* I'll hold you to that, yanno?

Mia:  Isaac?

Isaac:  Coming dear!!!  Um...I mean...MWE HE HE!!!

Sheba:  What a terrible faker...

Felix:  Yeah, but she's eating it right up.  Hey Sheba, would you help me wake Garet up?

Sheba:  Why do you want him awake?

Felix:  So we can convince him to go beat up Agatio and make Jenna fall in love with him.

Sheba:  Why not just play the subliminal messaging game?

Felix:  How?

Sheba:  We'll enter his mind while he's asleep, and then convince his subconscious to beat up Agatio and then get Jenna to fall madly in love with him.

Felix:  Okay, I like that one.  Let's go.

Sheba:  Okay.  *grabs Felix's hand and uses mind read on Garet*

Felix:  Whoa...it's all pink...and what's with all the lace?

Garet's Subconscious (GSC):  Why hello, Felix and Sheba!!!  Welcome to my area of the brain!!!  Please, sit down!!!  Just be careful not to sit on any of the lingerie!!!

Felix:  *whispering to Sheba* He's gay, isn't he?

Sheba:  *whispering back to Felix* Not totally.  His subconscious is, so if he were to be asleep long enough for his subconscious to take over, he might be running around wearing pretty pink dresses with lots of frills.  For your reassurance, the regular Garet is more than likely straight.

GSC:  Oh guys, I got some pretty new shoes yesterday!!!  Wanna see them?

Felix and Sheba:  *back away slowly*

GSC:  Well, you guys are no fun.  Guess you don't wanna see my Victoria's Secret collection either, do you?

Felix and Sheba:  *run like they were being chased by Megiddo*

GSC:  Okay Ivan, you can come out now.

Ivan:  Did you scare them?

GSC:  They probably think I'm too gay to go for Jenna, so they won't ask me, and then they can't kill me when I actually do it.

Ivan:  Mission accomplished, man.  Do you think Mia's missing her stuff yet?

GSC:  I hope not.  Is she in her room?

Ivan:  Nope, Isaac's.

GSC:  Okay then, when you pop out of her mind, pop her stuff out into her drawer, okay?  I owe you, man.

Ivan:  Better remember that one, Garet.  *pops out*

GSC:  And now to get rid of the rest of these props until I need them again... *snaps fingers* *objects disappear to reveal a room with a comfy chair, lots of snacks and sodas, and a big screen TV with a VCR and tapes of just about every game the Redskins ever played.  (A/N:  This is in keeping with Triad's idea that Garet's a Redskins freak...unless that's Isaac...)

(back in the real world)

Felix and Sheba:  *panting for air*

Garet:  Hi guys!!!  I had a dream about you...you were sitting on my favourite bra, and then you didn't wanna see my new shoes, and then...

Felix and Sheba:  *run FAR away*

Garet:  *waits until they're JUST out of earshot, and then bursts out laughing*

Felix:  *trying to catch his breath* Okay, new strategy.  We stay away from Garet for quite awhile.  Hey, Sheba...

Sheba:  What?

Felix:  You ever thought of Jenna as more than just a friend?

Sheba:  Don't make me kill you, Felix.

Felix:  Well, it was worth a try...

Sheba:  ...Whatever.

Shiro:  *from author space* Hmm...Sheba/Jenna...I might do that sometime...

Sheba:  Do. Not. Pair. Me. With. Felix's. Sister.

Shiro:  Aw, you ruin all my fun.  Well, that's the limit of my inspiration for this morning, so...I'm gonna go.  No OBHL today either.

~***~

Duran:  I have come!!!

Leon:  And...who are you again?

Duran:  I heard the Seiken Densetsu Three music, so I came.

...Great.  I take it you're not leaving, are you?

Duran:  Nope.

...I already had FOUR MUSES...now I have FIVE...and it's not even the one I requested!!!

Forte:  Who'd you request?

Angela from Seiken Densetsu Three.

Duran:  Why her?!

...'Cause she's pretty, I guess...how should I know though?  It was three in the morning when I filled out the form...

Magus:  Whatever...review.


End file.
